Apocalypse Suite is probably the only thing i've ever borrowed from the library more than once and read it from start to finish. it's so hard to remember that number 5 is, technically, a 60 year old trapped in the body of a 10 year old and not just some arrogant kid with a high IQ. that was actually the reason why i borrowed it for a 6th time, because i wanted to re-read it to check whether No.5 really was arrogant or whether my brain was just exaggerating stuff again. i think it was a bit of both.
getting to the actual post, it's raining here. a lot. heaps actually, and yesterday at school barely anyone brought a jumper or an umbrella or anything because they all thought it was gonna be sunny. which doesn't make sense since even at around 7am there were stormclouds in the sky. people these days....
i was browsing the news websites not too long ago, and the picture attached to one of the main headlines was that of a nearly bald Japanese woman so i decided to take a look as to why that was there. getting to the point, a Japanese pop star apparently had a one night stand with the dancer of a Japanese boy band. and one of the "rules" of being in the girl group she was in was "no dating."
ugh.
that really made my mind go into overload because really, she's around 20, she can control her own life and as soon as a picture of her leaving someone else's apartment surfaced in Japanese magazines, she felt that she needed to shave her own hair to "apologize." apologize for what? NOTHING.
i'm not a fan of any form of Chinese, Japanese, Korean ect music but even i have to come to this girl's defence.
she got kicked out of the group just for seeing another man. and she never even admitted to having sex with him or anything, apparently that's just what it said on the magazines/newspapers. only 2 people really know what happened that night and i feel kinda angry/upset that she was ridiculed and pressured into apologizing for something that is perfectly normal. the girl band she was a part of, AKB48 (i think that's what it is anyway) relies heavily on sex appeal and popularity to make their money and only a small portion on talent which......i dunno i don't feel that that's right.
i feel that the group's manager shouldn't be controlling the way these girls lead their personal lives. she shaved her hair in a youtube video or something as an apology for "disgusting penance for a night with a man" which also makes it sound like the managers state that if "their girls" get into contact with a man they're considered unclean or something. management says that the 90 girls in AKB48 can't date boys so "the male fans don't get any ideas of being able to date the girls of their dreams" or whatever.
which is pretty much the dumbest thing i've ever heard of.
getting to the point, the women in those bands have a right to see who they want in my opinion. they're not animals who you can herd into doing whatever you want, they're actual human beings who have their own opinions, they do their own actions, and if it weren't for the girls their manager'd probably be some hobo on the street or working some dead-end job in god knows where.
i'm not a fan of any form of Chinese, Japanese, Korean ect music but even i have to come to this girl's defence.
she got kicked out of the group just for seeing another man. and she never even admitted to having sex with him or anything, apparently that's just what it said on the magazines/newspapers. only 2 people really know what happened that night and i feel kinda angry/upset that she was ridiculed and pressured into apologizing for something that is perfectly normal. the girl band she was a part of, AKB48 (i think that's what it is anyway) relies heavily on sex appeal and popularity to make their money and only a small portion on talent which......i dunno i don't feel that that's right.
i feel that the group's manager shouldn't be controlling the way these girls lead their personal lives. she shaved her hair in a youtube video or something as an apology for "disgusting penance for a night with a man" which also makes it sound like the managers state that if "their girls" get into contact with a man they're considered unclean or something. management says that the 90 girls in AKB48 can't date boys so "the male fans don't get any ideas of being able to date the girls of their dreams" or whatever.
which is pretty much the dumbest thing i've ever heard of.
getting to the point, the women in those bands have a right to see who they want in my opinion. they're not animals who you can herd into doing whatever you want, they're actual human beings who have their own opinions, they do their own actions, and if it weren't for the girls their manager'd probably be some hobo on the street or working some dead-end job in god knows where.
i feel i can go longer in that rant but i won't seeing as i'm not even a fan of theirs anyway.
on a completely pointless note that probably no-one cares about, i recently discovered i out-grew my favourite purple hoodie. which sucks since i've had it for nearly 4 years now. it was bound to happen anyway but i'm just gonna go ahead and keep it incase it fits me when i loose weight in the future or anything.
~possibly around seven hours later~
welp, i just went dress shopping with my mum. which i should've known from past experiences is pretty much the best thing to do to feel worthless after you're done.
basically, we have to go to a close family friend's son's wedding on the 3rd of March (i think) and my mum really wants me to wear a dress. no black dresses which kinda sucks, but i can live with it. what happened is that i found this perfect white dress that fit fine, looked good, didn't make me look like a boy since i pretty much have a guy hairstyle and ect. then i showed my mum and she started filling my head with so much self doubt to the point that the voices in my head took over and started pointing out every single little flaw that no-one would even notice. which is the worst.
trust me, i currently feel like shit.
now all i wanna do is go back and get that dress but my mum said she's "never ever going back to that place because it's a waste of time."
all i need to make that dress look perfect is either a belt or a black jacket and now....well, i just feel like a whiny little fucking prick.
fuck, i'm whining over a fucking piece of cloth.
all i am is a big fucking hypocrite. i complained like hell that people care too much about material goods but what am i doing right now? what the fuck am i doing?
i'm no one (fuck) i'm just the run of the mill shit that walks on a footpath every single fucking day and does whatever pigpiss leader's shit tells me to do.
i can't do anything but destroy and play guitar and even then i'm shit at guitar. why bother trying to hide it, the best i can play is god know's what.
i can't do nothing because i'm too much of a scared dumbass sheep that's scared those fucking eyes will stare at me when i fall over. shit.
my own fucking mum doesn't give one flying fuck she feeds those voices that on more than one occasion's made me hold a fucking knife to my shoulder.
fuck i didn't even have the guts to fucking go through with it hahafuckingha.
just.
give.
me.
time.
i'll.
prove.
to.
you.
all.
i'm.
nothing.
like.
you.
~possibly around seven hours later~
welp, i just went dress shopping with my mum. which i should've known from past experiences is pretty much the best thing to do to feel worthless after you're done.
basically, we have to go to a close family friend's son's wedding on the 3rd of March (i think) and my mum really wants me to wear a dress. no black dresses which kinda sucks, but i can live with it. what happened is that i found this perfect white dress that fit fine, looked good, didn't make me look like a boy since i pretty much have a guy hairstyle and ect. then i showed my mum and she started filling my head with so much self doubt to the point that the voices in my head took over and started pointing out every single little flaw that no-one would even notice. which is the worst.
trust me, i currently feel like shit.
now all i wanna do is go back and get that dress but my mum said she's "never ever going back to that place because it's a waste of time."
all i need to make that dress look perfect is either a belt or a black jacket and now....well, i just feel like a whiny little fucking prick.
fuck, i'm whining over a fucking piece of cloth.
all i am is a big fucking hypocrite. i complained like hell that people care too much about material goods but what am i doing right now? what the fuck am i doing?
i'm no one (fuck) i'm just the run of the mill shit that walks on a footpath every single fucking day and does whatever pigpiss leader's shit tells me to do.
i can't do anything but destroy and play guitar and even then i'm shit at guitar. why bother trying to hide it, the best i can play is god know's what.
i can't do nothing because i'm too much of a scared dumbass sheep that's scared those fucking eyes will stare at me when i fall over. shit.
my own fucking mum doesn't give one flying fuck she feeds those voices that on more than one occasion's made me hold a fucking knife to my shoulder.
fuck i didn't even have the guts to fucking go through with it hahafuckingha.
just.
give.
me.
time.
i'll.
prove.
to.
you.
all.
i'm.
nothing.
like.
you.
*bursts into tears, hugs you tightly for approximately 30 seconds, tucks you into bed, hands you a mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream on top, a bag of skittles, all the cds you ever wanted, puts invader zim on for you to watch, and makes everyone give you some peace and quiet for a few days* renee i'm so sorry hun. you're not worthless, you're one of the best people i know. please stay strong, and i'm here for you if you want to talk. <3
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