Sleepwalking by Bring Me The Horizon is pretty much the best song I've ever heard, to be honest. i think it's supposed to be through the eyes of someone who had a mental illness relapse and sees the world as this warped up reality. and they're basically panicking and wondering "what's going on? where do i go? what should i do?" i think I've been over-analysing that song a lot lately but the meaning seems to change in my eyes everyday. i haven't been able to stop watching the music video on my phone.
so moving on, its been raining like crazy over here in Australia. it's also been freezing. and windy. and dark at night which is plain horrible for me.
i think i have mild nyctophobia which is a fear of the dark, mainly because i can't bring myself to look up at night time. or fall asleep for that matter. it just scares me.
sometimes when i have to go to the bathroom at night, and i can't turn on the lights for fear of waking up mum and dad and them getting angry at me, i look into the mirror and everything warps and becomes bigger.
i don't really know how to explain it but basically i see the outline of me, then i see something moving in the background and it just changes and changes and then the whole mirror goes black and THERE'S NOTHING BEHIND ME. and when i look into the living room i can hear these things, like the clock chiming 12 midnight when it's 2am (not to mention the fact that it stops chiming at 10pm.)
then, no-one can hear it.
then i hear a really faint noise that sounds like the tap in the kitchen running, or some plates making "chink" noises when they're all packet away in the cupboard.
i also memorised the sound of everyone's footsteps and sometimes THIS THING comes and VISITS US.
i don't know what it is but I CAN FEEL IT WATCHING ME SLEEP and it makes footstep noises.
always footsteps.
and one time when i was 3 I TRIED LOOKING AT IT but then i fell asleep instantly and WOKE UP BLIND.
ugh. i hate it at night time, its always darker in my place than it is outside.
i surveyed myself on tumblr, just seeing what I laugh the most at, and it turns out homicide, blood and murder jokes get the biggest laugh out of me. oye.... jeez what next? needless to say, i laughed my butt off watching the video for "The Phoenix" by Fall Out Boy. I think I may or may not die of laughter in the video for "Young Volcanoes when i watch the organ-eating part. eurgh. I wonder about myself sometimes.
~roughly 6.5 hours later~
ground control to major tom, ground control to major tom, take your protein pills and put your helmet on.
for some reason I was thinking about that while petting my friend's kitten and I didn't know where it was from. then I googled it and remembered it was a David Bowie song. I wonder why my brain wanted me to remember that...my leg hurts and so does my mouth.
anyway so awhile ago i was putting some moisturising cream or whatever on my face since all the cold weather's made my face dry, and i didn't realise i had cut my thumb playing guitar earlier. i was smashing the stuff on my face, then realised the blood had mixed with the cream and i was effectively rubbing bloodstained cream onto my face. it was like....red.... gooey STUFF and now there's streaks of red all over my cheeks. sorta looks like someone hit me.
rawr i'm tired. i stopped drinking tea a few days ago since my mum was complaining that it kept me awake and therefore kept her awake, and i didn't want to make her mad since when she gets mad she gets REALLY REALLY REALLY MAD LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA so i stopped drinking it. which sucks because i dropped into the T2 store a few days ago and bought a buttload more teas. so i effectively have the following teas sitting in the cupboard not being drunk:
~roughly 6.5 hours later~
ground control to major tom, ground control to major tom, take your protein pills and put your helmet on.
for some reason I was thinking about that while petting my friend's kitten and I didn't know where it was from. then I googled it and remembered it was a David Bowie song. I wonder why my brain wanted me to remember that...my leg hurts and so does my mouth.
anyway so awhile ago i was putting some moisturising cream or whatever on my face since all the cold weather's made my face dry, and i didn't realise i had cut my thumb playing guitar earlier. i was smashing the stuff on my face, then realised the blood had mixed with the cream and i was effectively rubbing bloodstained cream onto my face. it was like....red.... gooey STUFF and now there's streaks of red all over my cheeks. sorta looks like someone hit me.
rawr i'm tired. i stopped drinking tea a few days ago since my mum was complaining that it kept me awake and therefore kept her awake, and i didn't want to make her mad since when she gets mad she gets REALLY REALLY REALLY MAD LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA so i stopped drinking it. which sucks because i dropped into the T2 store a few days ago and bought a buttload more teas. so i effectively have the following teas sitting in the cupboard not being drunk:
- lemongrass and ginger
- sencha
- chai
- vanilla slice
- earl grey
- english breakfast
- peppermint
IT IS FREAKING KILLING ME BECAUSE I WANTED TO DRINK THE PEPPERMINT ONE SO BADLY. i drank the China Jasmine and Chamomile teas a few days ago so i guess it wasn't a complete waste...i love T2. kick-ass tea store :) and they recently opened up a string of tea houses which was cool.
anyway, bedtime.
g'night people who i really don't know what to call at this point.
xo - Renee
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